We’re best friends. You laugh, I laugh, you cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I will get a boat and come save your dumb ass.
My opinions are like farts, So hard to hold em in. When one slips, everyone’s gonna know it and at least one person is gonna leave the room.
Valentine’s Day. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.
When your sarcasm is so far advanced, people think you’re being polite.
I’d brave taking off my gloves in record cold temperatures to text you something inappropriate.
It’s so cold outside I farted the cutest little snow flake.
Oh, sorry I drifted off. I was imagining stabbing you with this pen. What were you saying?
I’d like to lay you out before the flu does.